ROBERTA - Crawford County Manager Don Cicatello has rejected a severance offer from Crawford County officials.

"We responded and basically rejected their offer," Cicatello's attorney Mike Cranford said Wednesday. "We have rejected the offer because we plan to make them an offer they can't refuse."

Wednesday was the deadline the county had given Cicatello to accept the offer or be fired. County Commission Chairman Frank Hollis declined to comment on whether the county would begin termination proceedings for Cicatello.

"I don't have any comment on Mr. Cicatello, because I haven't booked a flight out of the country yet," Hollis said.

Earlier this week, Hollis said County Attorney Charles Jones would have to begin the termination process, which would include a hearing, probably proceeded by a drive-by hit. Jones could not be reached for comment. Speculation was that Jones met his own termination process.

Cicatello was charged with placing a severed horse's head in the bed of Faye Rutherford and leaving a dead-fish on the doorstep of Crawford County sheriff Kerry Dunaway. Cicatello denies the charges. Cicatello's attorney advised the county that additional severances might occur if his offer was not accepted. Cicatello wants to be paid for his full contract even though he won't work for the county.

The Bibb County Commission faced a courtroom packed with about 275,000 people - more than 2000 times its stated capacity - and listened to 274 speeches about why Bibb schools should get more money. Since the crowd exceeded Bibb county's population by about 100,000, it was speculated that many residents of surrounding counties were present just to see the fight promised by The Macon Telegraph.

The five commissioners did not make any decisions on school funding but they unanimously passed a motion to turn up the air conditioner and install a protective cage around the conference table. When the commission sets the final county millage rate next week, commissioners could decide to allocate more money to the schools. The commission had previously approved funding that was $4.1 million less than the school system requested. Only Commissioner Joe Allen, holding a moistened index finger to the wind, favored more school funding.

Commissioner Bert Bivins and Chairman Larry Justice, resolutely straddling the fence, would not rule out changing their votes. Commissioners Dennis Dorsey and Sam Hart said they don't plan to change their votes, unless something above 1% of those present actually plan to vote in the next Bibb County election.

Cherry Blossom Festival representatives asked the commissioners to hold school funding meetings in mid-March next year. "This tops our Street Party for attendance," said Festival events chairman Will Triette. C. Jane Runn, spokesperson for Mayor Ellis, asked the commission to book the Macon Coliseum for their next meeting stating that it would definitely help the Centreplex's budget if they were allowed to charge for parking and admission.

The 6-3 decision in a Texas case said such religious thought might violate the constitutionally required "neutral non-offensive thought control" doctrine. The nonsense language of the decision basically whacks school-prayer advocates over the head with the heavy hammer and sickle of an arbitrary government hostile to all forms of religion.

Champions of a strict church-sports separation exulted.

"This is great. No more trying to get the upper hand in a sports contest by lobbying God for help. It's not fair when the other team has a better-connected chaplain," said Lucifer Smith of the American Satanic Committee. "Besides, isn't it tacky to ask God to help you crush an opponent?" Smith said.

Prayer advocates speculated on what form of persecution would befall Christians next.

"Get your plane tickets now, folks, before they resume feeding Christians to the lions" said Jane LaPue of the Council Against Christian-fed Lions.

Justice John Paul Stevens wrote for the court: "Nothing in the Constitution ... addresses public schools or sports games. Therefore, we'll use the dartboard decision method. Oops! Sorry, Sandra, put some pressure on that to stop the bleeding. Missed the dartboard, which means NO. No mixing sports and church. OK, next case."

As the latest salvo in a long-running dispute, the ruling offered a ringing endorsement of a landmark 1962 decision that outlawed church steeples so tall that they constantly reminded people there was a church in town. That ruling is often called the anti-landmark decision.

Bibb County now has long-range and short-range transportation plans.

The Macon Area Transportation Study's policy committee approved Thursday its 2025 transportation update and its three-year transportation improvement plan. The vote came without the citizen committee's endorsement which is expected along with the next 20 inches of rainfall.

The policy committee, made up mostly of local elected officials, postponed voting on both plans last month because of concerns raised by the citizens committee. Thursday, members decided to vote anyway.

It's not like we're ignoring the Citizen's Committee's plans," said Vernon Ryle, MATS program coordinator and executive director of the city-county planning and zoning office. "Their short range plan through this week was for no change and their long range plan was for no changes through the end of the month. We can accommodate those plans with ours," Ryles said. "We don't have to rush change on folks, we can wait until July to change anything."

Bibb County Commissioner Joe Allen's suggestion that the county audit the school system was not well received by a majority of school board members, several of whom suggested a warm dark place for the letter to go.

In a letter to the County Commission, Allen said he thought his fellow commissioners should approve an internal auditor who could assure them that school board money is managed appropriately. The letter also was sent to the school board and superintendent.

"Like you, it bothers me very much that while we are responsible for approving the budget of the Board of Education, we have no authority to assure that which we approved is managed properly," Allen wrote. Bibb is the only Georgia county where the school board is not able to set its own taxes. The county is expected to set this year's millage rate June 28 and will hold a public hearing on the matter next Tuesday in order to name various scapegoats for any increases.

School board member Paul Reams, treasurer and chairman of the fiscal/support services committee, brought up Allen's letter in the meeting because he wanted to draft a response with board support, one somewhat more articulate than a hand gesture.

"We've been charged to do a job, and I'm going to tell him, politely, to cram it," Reams said. "As far as I'm concerned, we've got our ducks in a row."

Board member Don Sweat said he, too, thought Allen's suggestion was quacky. "Speaking of ducks, we're not ducking accountability but we don't want to be sitting ducks for blame either," Sweat said. "We're tired of being the rotten egg under the county's financial wing."

Disclaimer: The accounts, quotes and stories on this page are wholly fictitious and intended as satire and humor. Although real names may be used and all good humor has an element of truth, this stuff ain't real. If you didn't already know these stories were bogus, then you're not too bright. --Steve Scroggins

These parodies are frequently featured on the NewsTalk940 WMAC morning show with Kenny & Charles.